Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
