How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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