babies were throwing up all over the place
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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