I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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