Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
