That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
