I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
