I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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