Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
