The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
