Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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