Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Where is the hickey?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
