If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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