Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
