The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
