Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
