Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
