Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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