Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We left the knife in your bed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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