Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize