Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
a search helicopter?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
