Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
