he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
