i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
