At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
