I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize