it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize