one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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