Your tits are I can't wait for
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
