your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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