It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
