i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
