im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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