He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
