you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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