2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
