Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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