i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
God, I missed his penis.
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