I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
