Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
