what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
