Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
