I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
