Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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