apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
