they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
