Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
