After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
