Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
