Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize