i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
