Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
