so explain again why im purple
no
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
