My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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