I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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