I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
