That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
