I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
