Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
