from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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