I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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