It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wear drunk well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
