last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
