If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
