I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
