I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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