Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
