My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
