i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
