last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
